Every little thing within us functions just for us to remain alive and do our purpose. Every one has a purpose and maybe once your done doing yours, Lord God will give you another purpose in heaven. My physical world is filled with outlandish aims. I have always wanted to be 'different'. I wanted the spot light to be focused on me and it is simply because I want my special someone to see me but the problem is I am not worthy to be seen. Many guys fell for me because they saw my pictures in my social accounts but no one appreciated what's inside of me. They say that I am a funny person. I get that always but for me, I'm just as boring as I am. I have always been a trying hard moron. I preach what's this, what's that though I have not experienced much. I love telling what I want to do in life but I always fail doing those. My insecurities stop me. I love listening to other people's stories and I always pray for that someone who would listen to my stories the way I listened to others.
I am not looking for a very handsome guy. I don't believe in fairy tales but I love watching those. I am not princess-like. I am UGLY. I am not smart and I am not a good person that's why I have already admitted the truth that I would just be a spinster.
I don't believe in love or maybe I do but I don't believe that it can happen to me. There was only one guy who expressed his deep feelings for me. However, I can't be with him that time because I chose my friends over him. Yeah, I know it simply sucks and now the sucking truth, I'm looking for him. It is so pathetic to know that I befriended the main reason why I left him and it is more pathetic to know that I befriended his cousin so that I could ask for his contact details. I want to apologize for what had happened but I don't have the courage to do that. I believe that I need him for me to move forward. And now, his friend courted me but suddenly he stopped. Maybe he thought I am in love with him (I actually thought about it before but I hate to admit I did). I was hurt when I saw this 'friend' tagged his ex who was a very close friend of mine. I felt so uneasy but then reality hit me and I told myself....'wala na nga sigurong kayang magtagal sa ugali ko at sa pagmumuka ko...'
I always wish myself happiness. Right now there is a huge hole in my heart. I want to smile once again. An innocent smile because this is what I want to show when I die. I want to die fulfilled. I want to die helping others. I want to be a hero. I can't be superman because I can't fly and I'm afraid of heights. I simply want to be me.
Jinky's life is not worth remembering for now but someday...this blog would be appreciated by many...hope so...
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