This is Me

A Life without meaning is not life at all.

Every little thing within us functions just for us to remain alive and do our purpose. Every one has a purpose and maybe once your done doing yours, Lord God will give you another purpose in heaven. My physical world is filled with outlandish aims. I have always wanted to be 'different'. I wanted the spot light to be focused on me and it is simply because I want my special someone to see me but the problem is I am not worthy to be seen. Many guys fell for me because they saw my pictures in my social accounts but no one appreciated what's inside of me. They say that I am a funny person. I get that always but for me, I'm just as boring as I am. I have always been a trying hard moron. I preach what's this, what's that though I have not experienced much. I love telling what I want to do in life but I always fail doing those. My insecurities stop me. I love listening to other people's stories and I always pray for that someone who would listen to my stories the way I listened to others.

I am not looking for a very handsome guy. I don't believe in fairy tales but I love watching those. I am not princess-like. I am UGLY. I am not smart and I am not a good person that's why I have already admitted the truth that I would just be a spinster.

I don't believe in love or maybe I do but I don't believe that it can happen to me. There was only one guy who expressed his deep feelings for me. However, I can't be with him that time because I chose my friends over him. Yeah, I know it simply sucks and now the sucking truth, I'm looking for him. It is so pathetic to know that I befriended the main reason why I left him and it is more pathetic to know that I befriended his cousin so that I could ask for his contact details. I want to apologize for what had happened but I don't have the courage to do that. I believe that I need him for me to move forward. And now, his friend courted me but suddenly he stopped. Maybe he thought I am in love with him (I actually thought about it before but I hate to admit I did). I was hurt when I saw this 'friend' tagged his ex who was a very close friend of mine. I felt so uneasy but then reality hit me and I told myself....'wala na nga sigurong kayang magtagal sa ugali ko at sa pagmumuka ko...'

I always wish myself happiness. Right now there is a huge hole in my heart. I want to smile once again. An innocent smile because this is what I want to show when I die. I want to die fulfilled. I want to die helping others. I want to be a hero. I can't be superman because I can't fly and I'm afraid of heights. I simply want to be me.

Jinky's life is not worth remembering for now but someday...this blog would be appreciated by many...hope so...

Graduation Speech

“Life is a constant battle for survival. As we grow older, the rules change on daily basis. Our mission is not to escape, but to survive; not to deal with triumph, but to deal with failure; not to run away from fear but to master it. It takes courage to keep on fighting. So if you feel like rules have shifted one step higher, deal it with greater faith and never ever surrender.”—a text I received from a friend of mine last April 3, 6:51 pm.

For the past 16 years of my life, I spent my life staying inside a vast room they call classroom. My life is focused on how I could make my teachers praise me, my parents proud of me and my colleagues acknowledge me. I read a lot of books. I dig the pits of the internet for my research. I suffered extreme haggardness throughout this period only to find out that this is a mere practice...a preparation once I stepped out of this place they call classroom.

BELIEVE AND ACHIEVE-that’s the theme of our graduation. ‘This is not the end, this is just the beginning.’ They say that graduation opens a new phase of our lives. After graduation, we ought to face a life beyond what our teachers taught us about. Life is described by many as abysmal. Something that is filled with lunatic, egotistical, and hypocrite individuals but then we have to keep positive and attain our goals. Don’t give your everything in doing something instead do the right thing. Give up and let go if necessary. There are still a lot of options that await you. All you have to do is to put away what’s blocking your eyes from seeing those. Believe in the reality of your dreams. The secret of fulfilment in life is having your faith shaken but still having it…stronger and deeper.

Learn that life does not simply ends in death. Your life may continue as long as there are people who appreciate you. Without them, even if you still exist in this physical world, you’re as good as dead. It is never wrong to cry and to fall sometimes. You can cry all day but don’t be miserable. You can fall as many times as you go through life but don’t allow these falls to encumber you.

Success is not just about the luxuries you obtained. Success is learning to love who you are and what you have. Failure, on the other hand, is hating yourself.

It’s funny to think that it took me 16 years to realize all of the things that I mentioned here and to be honest, I do not know the things that await me now that I am leaving my student life. Will I be a student of post-graduate studies? Will I be a mentor this time? Will I just be an employee? Or will I be an innovator just like what my professor wants us to be? One thing is for sure, my teachers have taught me enough about math, science and history. My classmates have shared to me memories of happiness and despair. My experiences and others’ experiences have moulded me. I am Jinky and I am a believer and soon to be an achiever.

I believe life is what’s on your mind and for us to survive, we have to conquer things before it conquers us. We have to use our brain for it not to get rotten. Learning something old doesn’t mean being so outdated. As we grow older, our lives create a history and history is never obsolete.