Kita Kita

Watching Kita Kita is very memorable for me. It was my first time to watch a movie in a cinema all alone. It was a bit weird because the clerk asked me when I was about to enter the movie house, "Magisa lang po?" and when I was inside, I was surrounded by lovers and cliques. It felt like I was the only one who bravely watched a romantic movie without a date. Oh I guess, it's one of the first's that is worth trying.

Anyway, I'm here to provide my thoughts on the movie and I'll do it the way Tonyo and Baby Dragonfly summarized their story.

10. It's ok to be alone. I wish I could watch it with someone special but nahh... I'm better off alone.

9. It's a great movie. I thought I was going to laugh the whole time but I ended up crying.

8. It's ok to cry inside the cinema. Come on people, lights are off!

7. Stress causes blindness. I am "stressedly" in love with you. That must be why I blindly followed you. Char!

6. Height doesn't matter. Feelings do.

5. Japan is beautiful. I have to go there someday.

4. Open the basket. I have to play it with my crush!

3. Aishiyu is good for the body but seenzoning is bad for someone else's heart. Get what I mean? Watch it.

2. No matter how nice you are, someone's meant to betray you.

1. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING.


More? Let's do a more serious count down and I'll apply it to my life.

10 - beses at higit pa na paulit ulit kong sinabi sa sarili kong kakalimutan kita pero ten-genang yan, paulit ulit pa rin akong bumabalik sayo.

9 - kaarawan ni ate. Nagoffer ka na bibilhan mo sya ng cake dahil tinulugan ka nya pero samantalang nung birthday ko, ni wala ka man lang magawa para sakin.

8 - birthday mo. Lagi akong may naiisip na pang surprise kasi gusto ko maging masaya ka. Hindi ko nga lang matuloy dahil di naman tayo.

7 - August. Nagsimula ako sa bagong work kasama ka at ayun nakita kita at pinagpalit mo na ko sa iba.

6 - numero ng tropa natin.

5 - na lang tayo ngayon.

4 - pm out mo at ako naman 3:30. Araw araw kitang hinihintay kasi gusto kitang kasabay o sadyang maliligaw lang ako pag hindi.

3 - beses kong hiniling na manatili ka dahil kailangan ko ng kausap. Tatlo at higit pa mo rin ako iniwan.

2 - beses kitang tinanong kung ayus pa ba na manatili ako sa iba. Sa dalawang magkaibang panahon, parehong tanong, nagkaiba ang iyong sagot. Di ko na alam ang totoo.

1 - ikaw ang una at nagiisang pinagkatangahan ko ng ganito at aminin ko man o hindi, sayo ko pinaka nasaktan.


Ngayong araw na to, masama ang pakiramdam ko. Nasulat ko to at di ko alam kung pagsisihan ko ba sa susunod na araw. Sakaling mabasa mo to, sana di mo sabihing "madrama" ako. Sa totoo lang ayoko magpaliwanag. Napapagod na rin akong sundan ka. Natatakot ako na mawala yung "ako" dahil lang pinipilit ko yung "tayo". Nalilito ko. Ayoko sa nararamdaman ko. Wala naman tong silbi diba? Mali to. Wag ka magalala, di ako umiiyak ngayon. Nagiisip lang ako ng way para makalimutan na kita. We don't deserve each other. I will never be your baby dragonfly kahit pa willing ako maging puso o saging sa buhay mo.

Adulting 101

I’m going through something that is difficult to comprehend. If I’m younger then people might just call it puberty. I’m a late bloomer so it’s possible. I’m 26, so maybe let’s just call it adulting or let’s use the millennial’s term, midlife crisis. 

I’m in the age where most people already knew what they wanted in their lives or who they wanted to be part of it but sadly, I’m one out of those human beings who opted to just exist and let time or whatever factor take away the happiness that was meant for me. I wish I’m good in Mathematics so I could just use algorithms or maybe an algebraic expression to solve my own issues. Sadly, I’m that one person who has always been an average. I was never a good daughter, lovely sister, exemplary student, exceptional employee, great friend and perfect partner. I never really fitted in. There were times when I just wanted to kill myself or get drowned in passiveness. I wonder why did I even allow, or continuously allowing, myself to reach this age.

Maybe it’s because of the people who encouraged me to be a better version of myself. Finally, someone came who believed in me but it was too late for me to realize that it was all a bluff. That you were fake. That everything I thought we had was superficial. 

You left me. I asked you to stay but still you walked away. I felt betrayed. I tried to follow you but I was scared. I’m scared that if I ever did follow you, I would just continue being my pathetic self and I would never be capable of moving on.

I wish I could do something about my feelings. I wish I could let you go. I wish I could stop being selfish. I wish I could stop screwing up my life just for you. I wish you could see beyond my smile, the ridiculous laughter or the feigned "superiority". 

But wishes don't always come true

...and I will never have you.