MY FEAR

there are things that i fear so much

i'm afraid to fail

i don't want to imagine myself talking to my dad and tell him i fail..

i don't want to face my brother and tell him i'm giving up

i don't to talk to my friends and spread the news that i can no longer be with them

a lot of things...

these and those that are hidden and unsaid or even unrealized...

...are my lifelong fears...

failure-something i don't want to hear and experience but i just can't escape from..

it seems like it haunts me every now and then...

and very embarrassing to say, it always finds me

my thesis bugs me...

I got some huge problems about it...

...i'm afraid to fail...

but feels like there's no safe way for me...

Sometimes, i just want to give up and tell my dad...sorry..in advance

My dad is the sole reason why i don't want to fail

why,all my life,i fear "failure"

I want him to be proud of me

I want to see the light i see in his eyes whenever my siblings bring home their medals

...all these years...my only goal is just to make him proud of me...

...a simple thesis...yeah very simple...

funny for others that a girl like me is now acting like this just because of her SIMPLE thesis..

I HATE MYSELF

A BORN LEADER

"Find a Number

Date of Birth: 11/16/1990

The Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one.

One is the number of new beginnings, action and leadership. Wherever a 1 appears in a person's chart, you can expect change in that area, and the bearer of the 1 will most likely lead the charge towards initiating that change. They are pioneers, ever-ready to light up the dark.

Having a 1 Life Path makes you a born leader. You are committed to your goals and strive achieve them. You enjoy living in the limelight and seek attention and praise. You must avoid becoming too aggressive and conceited when dealing with others.

Positive Traits

Individualism, Leadership, Boldness, Courage, Creativity, Determined, Ambitious, Pioneering.

Negative Traits

Egocentric, Overbearing, Repressive, Indolent, Weak.

Associations

Tarot: The Magician
Astrology: Sun, Aries, Mars, Mercury, Uranus
Rune: Ansuz
I Ching: #1 Ch'ien
Tree of Life: Kether, Crown
Hebrew Letter: Aleph, Yod
Shamanism: Monkey, Unicorn
Element: Fire/Sun
Alchemy: Gold
Aura: All colors
Colors: Red,
Gemstone: Ruby
Crystals: Garnet, Pyrite
Months: January, October
Week Day: Sunday
Numbers: 10, 19, 28, 37, 46, 55, 64, 73, 82, 91, 100
Flowers: Azalea, Iris, Lilac"


---this is the result of my numerology...well.. i know nothing about gemstones or whatsoever written above...all i know is that everytime i take a personality test, the result is always..."you are a born leader"...well, i can't feel it...I used to be an officer in our organization and i am always the leader in group reports and group projects...but i don't think i am worthy of being their "leader"...am i really a LEADER?


...i dunno, i'm WEAK..

PERSONALITY TEST

Last decade (hehe), I answered a personality quiz in facebook and below is the answer to my...how should i describe this?...terrific?nonsense?JOKETIME?whatever...I don't know if you'll agree with this...

"You love the crowd... a party animal! Too many “friends”, you can’t easily tell which among them is real and not...:
You hide your emotions... Sometimes pretending to be always happy. Sometimes, not giving even a hint of what you really feel.:
You search for love... you’re a hopeless romantic and every time you enter a relationship, you give your all and believe “this is the One.”:
You have so many ideas in mind... You’re creative and aggressive! If you want something, you’ll do anything to get it!:
You’re a stubborn sweetheart... You “love” him/her only because he/she loves you. If his/her flame puts out, you let go with no trouble.:
You’re undoubtedly good-natured! Most of the time, people are confident to approach you because they know you will consider them.
You love actions... with the hero-like taste! You focus on your strengths and use them to protect persons/things that are important to you

your Name Numerology is 6 which mean you are a HOMEMAKER, will nurture and support, will create lavish environments.
Friendly Numbers: 4, 5, 8
Enemy Numbers: 1, 2
Day: Friday
Color: Silver
Gem: Diamond
Metal: Silver
Body Chemistry: Mucus (Kappha)
Karmic Lesson: Discipline
Best Suited Professions: Health care, alchemists, art critics, journalists
Compatible numbers for Business: 3, 6, 9
- Marriage: 3, 6, 9
- Romance: 1, 2, 5, 6, 8, 9

---hmm...I love being alone. Sleeping is my most beloved habit. I hate speaking a lot when it's not necessary for me...I can understand whatever you want me to understand but i cannot promise that I'll always be patient...All people have their own limitations...I've never been in a relationship so I don't really know what love is...(oh!please don't get me wrong,I'm not using that as an excuse...I know that not being in a relationship doesn't mean you've never been in love...but in my case,well...)...I'm open to all possibilities...I love action movies especially those that are somehow related to history...I'm not fond of horror movies...I am a weak person but..I don't wanna show this to everyone...I may be weak but i am not the weakest...

a Brand New...END

When I first discovered that i got friends, it was a very comfortable feeling. I used to be a very dull person...careless about everything around me...feeling happy being alone and contented doing nothing when i got problems...that's who i am BEFORE..

but now...

I feel like i'm going back to that kind of life. A life full of...EMPTINESS.
I stayed away from them...MY FRIENDS.
I brought myself BACK...

maybe i just got tired...AGAIN...
of being someone i am not...
maybe i just want to know if this is really what i want...
,,,coz honestly im confused..
think i need a little more time,,,FOR MYSELF
to think about what i want..
to unwind...
to erase the pressure and burdens within me...
i'm happy with them but i simply don't know...what's MISSING...

its me again...as always...

today is P-Noy's inauguration,another thing was added in history...i wish him good luck and all the best for Philippines,my beloved country...

it was quite sad when my candidate did not win but...

its a new beginning...

let's just support him...that's all we can do for now...

after all he promised us a NEW country

"there can be no reconciliation without justice"

We're counting on you P-Noy

After election

gnun pla un feeling pag natatalo un gusto mo maging pinuno naten...nakakadisappoint and minsan nakakapanghina t minsan din nakakainsulto...that's how i felt after hearing the news that orange was not chosen by the majority...as of now,orange only got 4 million votes...

naiines ako..laman ng usapan hanggang sa trabaho ang tungkol dun sa naganap na eleksyon.Ang totoo first time voter ako...bumoto ko para lang sa paniniwala ko na karapat dapat si orange para mamuno sa atin pero di pinakinggan yun ng nakararami..hinusgahan nila ang hawak ko na orange. Di nila pinahalagahan ang kanyang mga nagawa at magagawa pa..Nkinig sila s bulong ng damdamin at di sa sigaw ng katotohanan...yun ang pinaka nakakaasar sa lahat...

bitter ba ko kung hanggang ngayon inuungkat ko pa rin ang tugkol dito kung ng mismong nais ko'y isinuko na ang laban? dapat ba move on? naka move on na yata ako at hiling ,ko din sa pilipinas na maka move on din ito...ito ang pinili nila,,,yun ang sinasabi ng kanilang balota...ng indelible ink (hanggang ngayon ay narito pa rin sa kuko ko...)...

automated election:mabilis na pagbilang ng boto,mabagal na pagboto

nakakalungkot talaga...hay naku...

Song I Like

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take
You take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want
Cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day
So just walk away
No use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and washed them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day
So just walk away
No use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You never did give a damn thing, honey
But I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died
Died for you (died for you)

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending give to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counted all the scars you made
Now that I'm sitting her thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you


--cold as you...im not sure about the singer...

just got this from an amv

--like it so much...