the BLOG story

Hi there…

As if someone reads this…as if someone cares about this

People simply don’t care about my existence so why should I bother?

Today I came to ask myself,” why am I doing this???”, “why am I blogging?” despite the fact that no one reads this aside from me…

They create blogs to express themselves. They create blogs to gain popularity. They create blogs to teach. They create blogs to help. They create blogs to gain money. They create blogs because they simply love doing it.

I could express myself. I could gain popularity. I could teach. I could help. I could gain money. I simply love doing it…but…

I did not want this to be known to everyone.

In blogging, I could freely express myself. I could type whatever it is that’s on my mind without being judge by people around me. I could be an emo. I could be a fearless tigress. I could be a well known actress. I could be an applauded musician. I could be a famous singer and dancer. I could be a director and script writer of my own movies. I could be a cook of the “muy-bien” foods. I could travel…travel in my OWN WORLD. The world I created for myself. A world where I am appreciated and praised. A world where I could be whatever I wanna be. A world where my hopes and dreams lie hidden.

Blogging is my safe haven. It is like a secret garden where only I,me and myself can notice. In this garden, beautiful flowers grow and die naturally. Trees erect strongly and not a single storm could put them down. There’s a well in the middle of it that produces sweet water. The walls are too high and scary on the outside but if you look at it closely, it’s just a plain old wall beautifully created despite of its age.

I am JINKY. I am not proud of myself. I am not beautiful. I am not smart. I am not a rich kid. I HATE MYSELF. Whenever I walk, I look down. I grew up despising myself. I am sinful. I am not a good person. I encountered a bunch of broken promises, shattered dreams, busted heart, and hopeless mind. I am a loser.

And blogging…this is my world. This is where the loser me wins. This is where the defeated me stands again. This is where the rejected me rises again.

Blogging, for me, is like undergoing a therapy. I am the patient and still, I am the doctor. I cure myself here. Since I started blogging, I tried to move on from my past defeats. I tried to be someone I am but I could not show to others. I tried to fulfil my dreams here and I’m glad…I found myself again. I was able to dream again. Little by little, I found happiness. For now, I couldn’t say I am completely happy…nor contented. However, blogging filled somehow the incomplete me.