I visited the Astrology.com and then had a tarot reading....The Tarot card said....
The Looking Back position reveals past experience, challenge, or issues that may have an influence on current perspective or level of intimacy.
The King of Wands (reversed) in this position suggests that your love life may have become dull, unoriginal, or uninspired, or your relationship devoid of passionate expression or commitment, but not necessarily of love, and a midlife crisis or selfish pursuits might have led to infidelity or an excess of indiscretion. None of this needed to be, however, for it could have been that injury, illness, depression, sexual dysfunction, or a lack of direction was the culprit that led to such acting out or instability.
The stress or burden of having gone in so many different directions, trying to keep up, or with others relying on his support, motivation, style, or morale could have become debilitating or even patronizing, and there was a chance that with his creativity stifled, his power disrespected, or his liberty restricted, the energy of this King could simply have become unplugged from the relationship altogether. Rather than being a prime example or paragon of a virile, productive, dominant "man's man," this King could have come to be a "poser," appearing scattered, compulsive, suspicious, nostalgic, or disorganized; a "one hit wonder" turning a blind eye or deaf ear to the truth, or using what was left of his charisma or charm to his own ends or to salvage his dignity.
With interference to his routine or ritual, or with his honor, reputation, or position at stake he might have attempted to relive the glory days or prove he's still got "it" through indiscriminate, abusive, unprotected, or self-destructive thrill seeking crusades of sex, drugs, or rock n' roll, lashing out, or other examples of "living dangerously" (or its counterpart of self-righteous abstinence, denial, or excuses) that kept him on the move. The bottom line however, might have been a bruised ego, performance anxiety, or a deflated sense of sexual prowess, desirability, or purpose, particularly if there were issues with follow through, procedure, or control.
As a visionary influence, he was encouraged by visible results, pats on the back, or the feverish, passionate frenzy he incited in others, but without these, or without his props, gadgets, instruments, tools, or toys, he could have had difficulty reigning in his restlessness or intolerance. He might have felt censored, abandoned, embarrassed, old-fashioned, or trapped, or without an audience, home or fan base to give him value, or to revive and renew his energy and confidence.
Ultimately, this influence simply may not have been able to rise to the occasion, challenge, or competition, or keep up with the changing rules in the game of love, and how he got through this could have been dependent on the way you responded or reacted, or your willingness to have found an alternate approach.
CARD NO. 2
The Self Portrait position offers a look at inner strengths, hindrances, interests, experience, or self awareness that may affect results, your romantic status, or that may stem from your prior history.
The Seven of Chalices in this position suggests that you may have come to a place in your life where you are asking yourself what it is you really want out of your life or relationships. Something has caused you to reflect on where you have been headed, and whether or not it really has meaning or value for you. It could be that you are realizing that your dreams are right at your fingertips and are yours for the taking once you can identify then claim what it is you really want. Choices abound, and may, at times cause you to feel overwhelmed by your options. Temptation may be around every corner, and you may feel enthusiasm to take on every challenge or every cause, but you are being reminded that these life choices have been yours for the claiming at all times. There is no need to rush. Relax, get yourself grounded, and think carefully about where you want to place your focus and energy, for what you Will can be yours.
CARD NO.3
The Where Am I Now? position reveals possible developments, situations, difficulties, or challenges that you may be encountering in your relationship or love life, along with practical suggestions for getting the most out of this current phase or experience.
The Strength (reversed) in this position suggests that issues with self-respect, control, anxiety or an inability to accept yourself could cause you to be inflexible or impatient with others. You may resort to force, manipulation, threats, nagging or impulsive confrontations. But if you could bite your tongue for a moment, you might be able to see the big picture or be receptive to a solution.
---let's just say it's quite real
